Some of you that have been following me since I started blogging five years ago may know that I used to be married. Two years ago that changed, and it was tough. I did my best to maintain life and blogging but found it was really hard to mix the two. I feel much more like myself in the last several months and have come to a much better place so I felt like it was time to share!
You probably saw on Instagram that I’m now in a relationship with an amazing man, Peter. He has been such a blessing (really) and I’m so thankful for him. We have so much fun together! But, for those of you who have been following for a long time or are going through something similar now, I wanted to share a bit about my divorce and more about Peter! I’ve had a lot of questions on Instagram (and probably some unspoken questions!) so I thought a Q&A format would be the best for this:
What happened with you and your ex?
Honestly, this is such a tough question to answer on the internet! I always want my blog to feel like a very open, personal space so I’m going to do my best to share but of course some things are better kept private to respect myself, my ex and Peter! Divorce is very hard, and I wish I could get lunch with each one of you to share even more!
That said, in very general terms, my previous relationship was not a healthy and safe place for me to be. We had gone through a lot and while I always wanted to be there for him, there came a time when certain decisions really took a toll on our relationship and my own well-being. I don’t take divorce lightly — marriage is something I believe ought to be worked hard on and fought for and a commitment that withstands hardships, but with the help of my family and friends and counselors I realized that in this situation, divorce was unfortunately my best option. We have both come to peace with the decision and are both now moving in a more positive direction.
How did you decide you were ready to move on from your last relationship?
I saw a counselor throughout the entire 2 or 3 year process of ending my marriage – before and after the divorce was finalized. Obviously it was a very painful time and at first it felt like moving on wouldn’t happen for a long time. I was in the relationship for almost 12 years (7.5 married) and he was the only person I had been with since high school, so it was hard to imagine myself with anyone else.
I knew I had to give myself some time to grieve and to find clarity again about who I am and what I want in life. I think I just finally came to a place (after separation) of deciding it was not going to change for the better. It was around that time that I decided I could move on and start looking for a man I could trust in a different, better way. A couple of my close blogger friends (love you guys so much!) really encouraged me and were so helpful in the process of starting to move on. One of them suggested I try getting on Bumble and I thought, “eh, why not try?!” I’m so glad I did because a few months later I met Peter <3 <3 <3
There’s no rush to moving on. It took me 18 months for my heart to be open to it and I think taking that time off to focus on myself and getting to a healthy place is what ultimately allowed me to be ready for the next relationship.
What’s the best thing you learned from all this or your best advice for someone who is going through something similar?
I think one of the best things I learned is to choose hope and to choose peace. Divorce was one of the hardest times of my life and while this was going on I was also moving 5 times, watching my family go through some challenges and facing a lot of changes with the blog and Instagram. It felt like such a chaotic time and some days I didn’t know how I would ever be able to keep up with Take Aim. But, I learned so much about the ability I have to choose to endure it with steadiness and hope and to never give up or give in to all my anxious thoughts. My faith had so much to do with this — I had to count on God to provide the energy and peace I needed for each day.
Because of all that, I think my best advice is to keep hoping. Keep taking aim at the passions you know you have or the ones you had before life got really overwhelming. There were many days I woke up feeling like I just wanted to go back to bed because the day seemed like more than I could handle. Some hardships can’t be solved or repaired or healed, but keep holding onto hope that you really will be ok one day, even if it takes a long time. You’re probably so much stronger than you think. And keep encouraging yourself! I had to give myself so many pep talks that I barely believed, but the more you do it the more you’ll start to believe it.
What was your first reaction to Peter?
Well my very first impression was his picture and bio on Bumble! I thought he was cute — he’s definitely “my type” physically, but when I actually met him for the first time I fell pretty hard. Peter was so sweet with me and I also realized he had basically every trait I was looking for. He’s so hard working, so selfless in the way he treats me, so confident in who he is and wants to be… and so so so much fun!! He cracks me up constantly and we just have so much fun together. Because Peter is so honest and true to himself, I feel like my first reaction to him was spot on for how I would continue to feel. It’s important to be with something that has the same core values that you do. Peter and I believe in the same things, we both want to continually grow and be better, we like doing the same things and both prioritize relationships… and honestly so much more. So grateful to have found him <3
How did the Bumble conversation start? Did he have any good pickup lines?
As most of you may know, on Bumble the girl has to initiate : ) He had up a couple of photos wearing a cool bolo tie and honestly not much else! I obviously thought he was cute and noticed that he went to APU so I figured we at least had similarities in our faith. I sent him a message about his bolo tie and he came back with lots of questions, which I thought was a good sign. I like to tease him because he acted like he was “v busy” and not super available but learned later that the boy was just playing it cool (ha!) It took a couple weeks to coordinate because I was out of town and when we met up for the first time we just clicked.
What was your first date?
On our first date, Peter took me to Melrose Umbrella – a very cool bar in WeHo. We talked about our families, our interests, our jobs (I tried to be sneaky and told him I work in social media… he didn’t pry too much BUT after a few dates he admitted that he already found me on Instagram before we met.) I really appreciated how kind and respectful he was from the beginning and turns out he’s literally the sweetest guy ever. Our next dates were a mix of cool restaurants in the LA area, visiting Griffith Observatory and doing fun things like jogging around the Rose Bowl. He has an amazing group of friends and we both love each other’s families.
Does Peter “get” your blogger lifestyle?
I feel like I hear all the time from new bloggers who are trying to get started that it can be tough to find a partner or even just friends who understand that blogging is hard work and takes a lot of time, a lot of investment and is actually a real job! I’m traveling all the time and I don’t have a consistent work schedule, so that can be crazy for some people.
When I first met Peter we honestly didn’t even talk about Instagram that much! I loved (so much) that he was interested in who I really am more than what I do. Obviously it came up fairly quickly though (lol) that I’m a blogger and spend hours a day on Instagram and he really had the best response possible, which was basically “oh, cool!” Peter wasn’t super involved on Instagram before me but he was so ready to support me in it! Since then, he’s been helping me out a ton and cheering me on. The best!
Does Peter take your photos and travel with you?
Yes! I actually have a lot of people helping me out here and there with photos (my brother, other bloggers, my Take Aim team, etc) but Peter has been taking more of my photos lately and I’m excited to get him even more involved. So far, we’ve travelled together to Paris, New York and Coachella!
I think that’s all of the questions I wanted to answer for now! I’m sure some of you may have more questions or are going through something similar. Please email me if you’d like to chat further! Having the support of my friends and family and having this blogging community has been so helpful and encouraging throughout everything!